Tuesday, August 10, 2010


The other day, I suddenly felt so unbelievably overwhelmed that I didn't know what to do. So I sat down and started making a list and I started an excel spreadsheet for, you guessed it, my wedding. Quite by surprise, I started to feel better. I started to think that "No, I don't actually need to hire that wedding planner who is so awesomely fantastically perfect that I haven't even inquired how much they cost because I so much want to have them help me group all of my silly insane ideas for a wedding into one cohesive unit that makes sense." I did- I started to feel that way.
I also started to feel that way because the wedding dress that so far looks the best of any I have yet to try on is *gulp* $2000 more expensive than I was thinking I was going to spend. And with alterations running another *BIG GULP* $300 to $500 dollars, I really have no room for hiring people to do anything- not even a plumber to fix my leaky kitchen sink. I started to feel almost as good as when Paul McCartney calls you up to headline for him on your tour. Okay, maybe not that good.
But then, the next day, and frankly today, while staring at the shingle-style cupboard door that I was attempting to strip from the decades of people not caring and simply layering paint upon paint upon paint, I felt like perhaps I actually have bitten off more than I can chew.
I have a dream of attending some important graduate school that will help me achieve all the career and family goals in my life and for which I am trying to study for my entrance exams, I have a new-to-me house that is currently undergoing some aesthetic and superficial changes and I have a wonderful fiance with whom I am trying to plan a wedding. And we're doing all of this on a shoestring budget- like, a 2008 Recession era budget. I try to not get too overwhelmed but sometimes I just can't help it. As many spreadsheets as there are that I can create, I just can't create one that will create a lovely pivot table of my emotions. Not possible.
This doesn't happen that often to me. I'm always "if there's a way, I'll find it." Rarely does it happen that twice in less than a week I start to think that perhaps I've really taken upon myself too many tasks. So I don't know world, you tell me.

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